I make junk up and put it on this blog! I talk about skateboarding and othe rstuff i like too, sports, Guitar!



tommorow night i will be leavin for n.c. to go skiing wit my dad. yay. ive been w8in to since last year. we originally went about 3 years ago but we went on a cruise the next year as our vacation. so i didnt go last year too and went on another cruise to the smae place on the same boat so i hav ben lookin 4ward to this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



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algebra gone wrong


stungun its long but funny


If your email doesn't support HTML, please visit the page: http://www.wanderings.net/notebook/Main/WhatHappensWhenYouStunGunYourself

This hilarious piece came from DirectionZero.com, who received it by email so we don't really know who wrote it. Best part comes at the end, but you need to read the rest to get the picture of what happened...It's one of those "You know you're a redneck when..." moments.

This was the advertisement in Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop window next to the condo we rented last month in Florida:

Pocket Taser Stun Gun
Great Gift for the Wife

So I went in to check it out. I saw something that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 30th anniversary, and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Gisele. What I came across was a 100,000 volt, pocket/purse-sized taser...

The effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety…. WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

I loaded two triple A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I’d get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Gisele what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,. right?!!! There I sat in my recliner, my cat Tabby looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Tabby (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said:

  • one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant.
  • two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control.
  • three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
  • Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5 inches long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries, thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best...

I’m sitting there alone, Tabby looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "Don’t do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button--

HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$@$%!@ *!!! I’m pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again! Do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution:

There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.

A three second burst would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-.. that hurt like he**!!!

A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I’m still looking for my testicles. I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return.

Still in shock

Lightning Rod 800k Volt Stun Pen w/ LED Flashlight Most powerful stun pen currently available!

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Hey every body im back in business and im going to start bloggin again so get ready for some funny crap on my blogs!!!!!!


whats your fav?

wats ur favorite website to visit??


Mr. Cool trying to impress the ladies

This guy is attempting to pull the most amazing stunt of the day for is onlookers until, fate takes over! Hilarity ensues.


Who's your fav.?

well this isnt who's your fav it's what's your favorite candy or type of candy???leav coments


who's your fav?

this is my weekly queston I will be starting 2 day. who's your fav. band??giv me ur coments!!1


Fire power!!!!!

"I shall use my flame whip on You Villain!!!!"


have u ever stepped in this stuff?

"sir we found this evidence at the scene of the crime"
"ThAts just a pile of dog crap!!!!"



He has his father's eyes

is this stupid or wut?!!!

oh yeah this is going 2 help somebody!!!


this is the poopie list!!!

IT'S HILARIOUS!!! (well it is to me!)LOL!!


these are some stupid bumper stickers i found online

If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Nuke the Whales!

funnny christian cartoon

I found this online looking for some clean funny pictures. if you know anything about adam and eve this should make sense 2 u! LOL!!!


stupid signs

these are some funny signs I found on www.funnyville.com


this is a hilarious picture that I got from my Dad's email

an ingenius idea 4 a jackolantern

http://www.collegehumor.com/pictures/6164/ click this its hilarious


R U saved?

Give me your answers! if u dont know then tell me

my church

This is pastor shirley and his wife.And this is orlando baptist church. Home to ocp
(orlando christian prep).


Lift is a christian youth administration that tells about Jesus all over the USA. They have different bands different speakers and different churches every year. U can find out more at www.liftstudentministries.com

christian stuff

if you like christian music go 2 www.jakeholman.com or go to www.myspace.com/zeemo . I just went too a yooth camp that they played at. or if ur not into christian music check out Reliant K, they have christian and non christian songs. A Christian rock band I like is THIRD DAY!!!

Skaters r u there?!

I have an element deck with fury(fyory) trucks, bone redz, and flip wheels. my other board has a flip deck,mongoose trucks, hkd abec 5 berrings, and mongoose wheels. Man I have 2 messed up boards!!

My Dog!

This is my new 50 lbs. puppy hoo is only 9 months old. In this picture he was 4 months old and wayed 25 lbs. But don't let him fool you he is pure evil on the inside. I mean my Mom is probably yelling at him as u read this!!!LOL!!


Me and a few of my buddy's like to go play play paintball!! Because nothing is as fun as shooting each other with tiny plastic balls filled with paint traveling at 250 mph! if you like to paint ball tell me!!!


I mostly like rock and christian music. My favorite bands are green day, third day,reliant k, and simple plan!!!